MONEY!!!!!!

Yes!! I know everybody needs money well maybe a rich or comfortable person could read this message and tell me other then working the 40 + hours a week I work how can I make some money please let me know. I mean do I really have to be broke forever and a day or can I finally climb my black ass out of a recession that has been going on for the last 28 years of my life ( yes i am just 28 so WHAT). I need some LEGAL I repeat LEGAL guaranteed ways to gather some quick cash. I have an opportunity to add a part time (20 to 30 hours a week) job to my schedule this will ultimately help me increase the funds coming into my home, but I need start up money so that I can buy a few items to do the job. i.e. computer, software, etc. I will be a bookkeeper for a detail shop. This will give me extra experience for my job and it would be great for me. I also want to finish school online and of course need a computer for that. I am trying to help myself, but it is not working the way I need it too!! Somebody please help.



P.S. Just venting I wish somebody could or would help me i really need it. :-)


Smooches,

Carmel Beauty

VENGENCE IS MINE SAYTH THE LORD

Well as I am sure you all remember this and this. Go ahead if you don't remember and read the stories I'll wait. Well every dog has it's day and this fool has put his self in the position to get exactly what he deserves. When you have a chance go here and read this story it's good yall.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: WHAT IS SOMETHING I CAN DO FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY WHICH IS TOMORROW THAT DOESN'T COST MUCH MONEY? ANYBODY GOT ANY IDEAS.

SMOOCHES,

CARMEL BEAUTY

I am apart of the living, sort of.

Hey All,

Thank you all for the prayers, kind words, and advice. It was appreciated and most needed. I have spoken with my hubby and we have come to the agreement that he will not read my journal. I have personally will just not write in my diary anymore. I am glad that he is not aware of this site which is why I write without names.

In other news my job is a TRIP, but I am thankful that I have one. I went to the beach this weekend. We really needed to get away and it was GRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAATTT!! We really had a good time and I had a chance to just veg out and look at the water. It wasn't even all that cold we slept with the door open all night. It was a 3 hour drive that took us from 8pm till 3am. If you can't tell we got lost.

Theory of the day: Beggers: People or animals (cats, dogs, etc.) who request very strongly on a continual basis for any and everything.

My theory is that these people are made if you don't want them in your life then don't make them. You create the monster then can't deal with the consequences. You can't let people "use" you then expect them to try to make it on their own that is not going to happen. So in that case it is best not to start something you can't continue. Now I am not saying you don't help people every once in a while, but these are people who are trying to do things for themselves and just need help.

Okay so if you haven't figured it out I did that with someone close to me and now I just want them to leave me alone when it concerns money all together. I am sure somebody understands my pain.


SMOOCHES,

CARMEL BEAUTY

THE GOOD, THE BAD, & THE HORRIBLE

Where is a girl to start? I guess I will start with the horrible first and just go ahead and get it out of the way. On Friday December 12, 2008 I miscarried. This has not been an easy holiday for me. I wasn't sure if we would be able to handle another baby right now, but I was forming plans seeing problems and coming up with solutions and I was starting to feel better about it. I was really feeling like me and my hubby could do it. Apparently I was very wrong. I am really just going through the motions lately, and can cry at the drop of a hat, or just blank out. I took some time off from work. My boss and his wife just recently went through a miscarriage to so he was very understanding. I was only 9weeks. Everybody keeps saying what they think I need to hear and it honestly is pissing me off. I am angry that only my husband understands a little of what I feel and nobody else understands at all. I mean to me it's like I lost my child a death in the family I know it should not have been a funeral or anything , but I feel like I need some kind of closeure. Anywho, the good a while back I told everybody that my husband and I were going through a very hard situation that was causing a lot of problems in our family well it has finally been resolved. So that is one less headache for us both and for that I am truly thankful.

Okay now on to the BAD. I may just be trippin' it is possible, because I still have a lot of hormones running through my body. I just have this feeling that something is just not right we my hubby and I. I guess it could have something to do with the miscarriage, but we just aren't clicking and I don't know what to do to get "us" back.

Question of the day: Would you read a significant other's or spouses diary, and then get mad about some explicit things that your read?

SMOOCHES,

CARMEL BEAUTY

What's going on?

Okay Everyone,

Yeah I know I have been MIA, but a lot has been going on and it looks as though it may get even more crazy in the next couple of months. For instance, I got the job which is exactly what I have been wanting and def needing.

In other news I am pregnant. I have only told my husband who couldn't keep his big mouth shut and decided to tell his mother and sister.

Well with me being a new mother soon and all the stress at work I have been a BITCH to my husband. He was home for the holidays and just went back on the road a little while ago. She I am the one at home I of course am in charge of paying the bills will with our car insurance I was $50 off from the amount we had to pay and what I set aside to pay. Which means that I have $30 to last until my next payday which is not until the 23rd of this month. We both only get paid once a month so this is going to be a very hard month.

Anywho, I have been trying to control my anger and have not been doing very well. I am worried with the economy things in our household have been very tight. My daughter has also not been very happy lately. She recently turned turned 2years so as you can imagine she is going through the terrible two's.



Question of the day: " How do you apologize when you don't want to?"


Smooches,

Carmel Beauty

Response

I have spoken with hubby on several occasions. I know the reason for his insecurity, because that is exactly what it is. He had a previous relationship long term at the beginning of the relationship he worked in the city regular 8-5 job then after a couple of years he decided that he wanted to drive trucks. They discussed it he told them "her" that he would be driving out of town and asked if she could not handle him being away so much to end the relationship then and not wait until later. She advised that it would be fine and then 7 months of him being on the road later she couldn't take it anymore and ended the relationship via a dear john letter. So yeah he has trust issues, and I will admit that I do to and we have talked about it extensively and have a date to talk about it some more today. He claims he trusts me then we have a argument like Saturday and I know that he doesn't. Right now on his longer periods home is trying to find a job where he can stay home. Until then I know we have to work something out, because I just can't take this as is anymore.

Suprina,

You need to email me and tell me more about that 40 days of prayer, because I need it both me and my husband.

Everybody,

If you are looking for inspirational reading that uplifts your spirit andputs a sparkle in your day please visit SUPRINA's blog. She is having a 2 for 1 special and trust me the books are worth more than she is asking you to pay for them. Despite all of the drama currently in my marriage she has given me a lot of insight into how to make my marriage better.

Smooches,

Carmel Beauty

Gimme a Break!

As I was posting last night in a frenzy because I was pissed at the hubby and wanted to tell yall all about it and get some advice. I was just finishing the last sentence my daughter my lovely angel comes up to me and closes my screen. How she figured out how to do this at 22 months is beyond me so I ddin't feel like retyping all for the info.

Anywhoo the chick got the job and I knew would happen it hurt for a day and I will probably never be happy with how the situation turned out, but I am over it.

Okay on to me and my husband. Bottom line is he doesn't trust me and it has gotten worse since we have been married. It is to the point now where I feel like I have to guard my words for fear he will interpret the wrong thing form something i have said. I know I can't make him trust me and truly i don't even what to so how do I end the drama in our lives other then divorce. I refuse to get a divorce, but him not trusting me is a BIG deal..

I will give you an example of his level of mistrust: Just a little background info first my husband works driving trust and is only home 3 weekends 3 a month. So this was his work weekend. i told him I was going to get my hair done and it would take approx. 6 to 61/2 hours. My husband loves me to wear my hair in a wrap style, but sometimes I like something different so I decided I wanted to get some micro's (anybody who has ever had them before knows they can take anywhere from 6 to 13 hours depending on how fast the person braids and how small they are and how big your head is) Now I told my hubby three days before I was set to get my hair done that I was getting my hair done by someone i didn't personally know but I had seen her work and knew you would be able to do what I want at a reasonable price. Hubby came up with all types of excuses for why he didn't think I should have my hair done by her. (i.e. I don't know her, back part of town, she could have traffic in and out of her house, boyfriend could be running drugs, etc. ) I told him I had my mother check it out, because I knew the girl through on of her friends and I was going anyway. He accepted this with much attitude. Okay Saturday gets here and he calls 3 times in the space of 4 hours. After about six hours into my hairdo T asks me what time it is I pull out my phone and it has turned off. So I turn it back on and immediately it is ringing. He is cussing me out talking about it doesn't take this long to get hair done, and I am having sex with some nigga, I didn't have to lie, and so and and so forth. All the while the phone is hanging up because the battery is dead. Finally I cut the phone off on my own and when she finishes my hair and I leave I turn it back on. He calls this time apologizes saying he thought about it and I must be getting Micro's and why didn't I tell him like the whole incident was my fault.

Since then things between us have been strained to say the least. I am just at the point where I just don't know what to do. We have only been together 3 months, but I think we ( as in him) need to have counseling. Our marriage is not going to handle the strain of another incident like this.

Question of the day: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Smooches,

Carmel Beauty

SUP?

I have had a very interesting weekend. The most important thing that happened is that my brother graduated from high school, it was very exciting, and also a little sad. As most of you know if you have been reading my blog my grandfather was killed last year, and he and my brother were very close. It was very hard on him because he was like a father to him me too for that matter. As you can imagine not having him there for this time was very heartbreaking. My brother goes to a small school only 13 graduates so when all the kids went up to get there diploma they got approx 2minutes of a pre-recorded speech they could give, and my brother spoke about our grandfather. There was not a dry eye in the house. Everybody was crying. Like I said it was sad, but good. I am so proud of him he just recently got he first job, because he had so many after school activies he has never had a job before so this is a big step for him. I just feel like he has so much promise right now and can't wait to see how his future turns out.

In other news I have been working my but off at work. I have been there two Saturdays in a row. There are several reasons for this.

1. I have applied for a job, for which I really want. It would be a 30% percent increase in pay. So not only do I want it we need it with the price of gas.
2. I want to challenge myself more at work. I have been doing everything possible to obtain more skills to make myself more marketable. When I get bored I tend to leave my job, and not only am I bored, but I am not liking the office politics.
3. I am a type A personality, and the people at my job are lazy so the work that is falling by the way side I have been doing and I love the extra praise it is giving me.

While most of these are good reasons it has made me sort of a grouch, because I am tired. I also know that even though I am doing all this extra work I may not end up with this job and that will really piss me off and hurt my feelings. I know I am really sensitive you don't have to tell me :-) As I am sure you can imagine my new attitude is not to my husband's liking so I will have to work on that can't have a tiff just yet I am enjoying all of this honeymoon sex. :-)

Last but not least my grandmother and I are making progress. She is still not speaking to my husband, but we are getting along so that gives me hope that eventually everything will be as close to okay as it can be.

I guess I will stop boring you with my life.

Question of the day: How can you tell that all your hard work is for nothing?

SMOOCHES,

CARMEL BEAUTY

P.S. HEY EVERYBODY I FIGURED YALL THOUGHT I WAS GONE BUT GLAD YOU ARE BACK. I WILL CONTINUE TO WRITE MIKE AND KYRA I BELIEVE IT WILL ONLY TAKE ABOUT ONE MAYBE TWO MORE POSTS TO FINISH. WEEKENDS, I HAVE BEEN READING YOUR BLOG, I HAVE JUST BEEN TOO LAZY TO COMMENT.

My Grandmother!

In order to talk about the present I have to explain a little about my past. I was raised by my grandmother mostly I went to live with my mothers mother at the age of about 4. She has raised me and my brother. I love her to death. I live with her till about age 11 then I moved in with my father's mother. Then back to my mother. It was a lot of moving, but the place that felt like the most home and was the most stable was with my grandmother. She loves me I know and I love her too, but do to all of the disappointments she has had in her life she is very very very much a controlling person. As you can guess my grandmother and I are closer then her other grandchildren I'm not a favorite, but we spend more time together and act more like mother and daughter. For the most part it is a good relationship, but when I happen to do something that she doesn't like well then she uses her money to try to control the situation.

Anywho now to the present. My husband and I got married at the justice of the peace Grandma did not like that she wanted us to marry in a church on a date of her choosing. So because of this she is writing me out of her Will. Truly I don't care about the money it's the principle, she believes that I have made a bad decision at this point I believe that she wants me to have a bad marriage. Her words were she will never mention my marriage again, whether it be bad or good. I know I should leave it alone and I will, but I have always sought this women's approval and it just never seems like I get it. I know she is upset about the how and when, but it's done. I just needed to talk about the situation. It did make me feel a little better, I guess it was just to much to ask for a happy family.

Question of the day: Can you divorce your whole family then court another? Do you think one day we should be able to pick our parents?


SMOOCHES,

CARMEL BEAUTY

PISSED!!

Okay first things first I passed both of my classes, but I wish I had done better in my Accounting class. I mean I passed with a C but I have always been a A/B student plus I am a type A personality so a C just doesn't sit well with me. I did get a A- in my public speaking class so that made me feel a little bit better.

Second I did get most of my money, but not all and now you guessed it I am broke. I mean literally. All my bills are paid, but I need some money.

Third I HATE MY JOB. One of the people I work with is leaving for a different job and I want her job. I should have the first choice, because I have the time on the job since I have been there for a while. She is a temp a new temp at that so why is my supervisor training her to do the job. I mean taking her to meeting and having her work with the girl that is leaving giving her the information to do the job. I think it is completely unfair that he is doing this. I want/need this job. I have worked my ass off for over two years at this job and this is the thanks that I get.

Anywhoo I have to VOTE tomorrow can't wait. Nothing exciting to say married life is a little boring but a good boring. I love my husband so much.

Question of the day: How long does it take for the newness to wear off? I hope never I am already looking into things to keep it juicy as little Wayne would say.


SMOOCHES,

CARMEL BEAUTY

PAY DAY! MAYBE?

I get paid once a month it is always seems to take forever for me to get paid. This month we are using a new payroll system different departments were placed on this system at different times and well it has been a disaster at least the first couple of months. I tell you this to say that I will and I mean will go the FUCK off if my money is not in my account in the next 53 minutes. Yes I am up at 11:07pm and will be up till 12am just to make sure my money is deposited as it should. See I am one very broke sister. No matter how much we budget throughout the month with the price of everything and I do mean everything raising it never seems to make it past the third sometimes second week of the month. Just pray for me as I will for you because our economy sucks and is getting worse by the day.

Anywhoo, I hope everyone is going to vote no matter who you are voting for please please VOTE!!!.


QUESTION OF THE DAY: I am only 27 years old and I find myself thinking of the past as the better times. So I am wondering like me do you miss things like the Cosby show, the wonder years, saved by the bell, gas at approx $1.50 a gallon, salt n' pepa, and just a simpler time when you didn't have to decide food or gas?



SMOOCHES,

CARMEL BEAUTY

Test!

So lately I feel like my life is one big test. I was recently married and now I feel like I am being tested on whether or not I can be a good wife. This test is not coming from my husband, but from his family and mine. Then he is being tested of course to make sure he will be a good husband. I wonder is this an ongoings test that you only pass after death or at some point do they trust you.

My other test well this is my last week at school for this semester. So I had a test today and my last one is on Wednesday. School has been kicking my butt. I mean being a mom is a 24/7 all by itself add work, husband, me time and well I am tired. It has been worth it though, because in the end I will be able to get a much better paying job.

In other news my job is still crazy Dory has an assistant now and she is basically doing all of her work. Dory might as well stay home for all the work she does. People are leaving left and right at my job in the last year alone I believe that of a crew of 15 we have lost 5 people. Ah well some are missed, if only because there replacement SUCKS!!!!

Now to the down side to my recent marriage me and him are actually doing better than ever, but my grandmother is Highly upset by our union. We eloped and she was not happy about that. I tired to explain that it was about us and we didn't want to wait any longer. She is barely speaking to me and that kind of hurts my feelings. She has always been controlling and judgemental, but since the death of my grandfather it has gotten worse. I think he mellowed her out a little. Hopefully she calms down a little.

Question of the day: How do you deal with your in-laws or your significant others family? I ask because my husbands sister is a BITCH and I a
m trying not to kick her ass. Help!!!

HEY BARNEY


SMOOCHES,

CARMEL BEAUTY

MIA!!

I know that probably nobody even reads my blog now since I have been MIA for a very long time, but between work, school, my angel, and STBH I just haven't had a chance to blog. I have been keeping up with other people's blogs though so I have stayed in the no. Well today I have big news for everybody. Drum roll please



STBH and I are getting MARRIED. Yeah!!! I am excited, nervous, and READY. The butterflies are going to kill me seriously. My work Mom just had me list all the reasons why we want to get married and it kind of had me teary eyed because we have been through so much and to finally get to this point. It has been amazing.

In other news their is a position coming open at my job. I want it really bad, but my supervisor is the type to have someone he thinks should have the position and just go with them. That's what he did for me. :-) It was good then, but it may not work out so well for me now. It would be a nice increase though if I could get it. I hope so cause I need it.

School will be over next week. I have a final on Monday then one on Wednesday and then no more until August. I def need the break. Right now I am just so ready to leave work. I am suppose to leave at 3:30pm to go get ready for our 6pm ceremony, but time is going by so slow. I feel like it is going backwards.

Question of the day: So to all the married/divorced people out there how did you feel on your
wedding day?


Smoochies,

Carmel Beauty

Some Closure

The BOY who killed my grandfather has been arrested today. He was only 16 years old, and in the 9th grade. I just don't understand what the world is coming to. I don't even know how to feel. I am not happy, because it does not bring my grandfather back.

Praying for Strength,

Carmel Beauty

Hello All!

First and foremost please please go to Sylvia Hubbard's website and read her new live story. It is good. She has a way of making you fall in love with the people. Read it it is good I promise.

Second, well I know I was suppose to finish Mike and Kyra's story and I will soon I promise life has just been so hectic. I will get to it though really soon.

Third, yesterday me and my STBH had an amazing day. It was perfect as days go. I haven't been that happy in a long time. With all the drama going on in my life recently I needed that. We weren't doing anything spectacular by any means, but the moments in time to me are priceless. I just wanted to tell the world that I am going to marry the best man in the world for me. We have problems, but when it comes down to the come down we got each other's back. Love is priceless if you are fortunate enough to have it hold on to it and never let it go.

Smoochies,

Carmel Beauty

Wishing you a Merry Christmas!!

All things considered this christmas was very good. They had a vigil at my chruch last week for my grandfather. It was nice I did not want to go at first, but after the fact I was glad that I did. It gave me a sense of peace. My baby was showed some love this christmas not that she needed to much more toys, but hey she was happy so I was happy. Then my mom got me a DVD player which was nice. It made me laugh it stays in the car though I be damned it someone steals anything else from me. :-) Work is boring it's like only four people here until the 2nd of January. I have like nobody to talk to and tons of work I don't want to do. Well it's time to go home and since I do want to do that I will say



Smoochies,

Carmel Beauty

BREAK-IN

Yesterday my home, my place of peace was turned into a place of dread. My humble home was broken into yesterday. There were only two things taken during my break-in one was valued at $30 the other was priceless. To someone who will probably remain forever nameless and faceless my security which is priceless to me was worth a DVD player. Truly what exactly is the world coming to? My home was destroyed, I have glass, and clothes everywhere. My love seat is turned over they even when through the baby's room searching. I mean if they were watching my home they should be able to tell that we are not rich at least not with material possessions. I was just starting to feel safe again after my grandfather was murdered going to get his mail and then this has to happen. How much is one person suppose to be able to take. I am really being tested, what I don't understand is why?

Yesterday I wanted to buy a gun. I was all ready to go on my lunch hour today to apply for my gun license. I understood with all my mind, body, heart, and soul what made T.I. feel like he needed to have guns in his home with silencers and infrared beams. I looked at my daughter and thought I would kill for her I thanked the Lord for making sure my family was safe and tried to make all the thoughts of revenge in my mind go away. The anger I have been feeling will eat away at my soul if I let it. I am trying not to, but I am losing patience.

Smoochies,

Carmel Beauty

Violence

My thoughts for the day I don't have much time, but I have been hoping and praying that they catch my grandfather's killer. I want that man to suffer. I thought about the death penalty, but in the end I felt that was too good for him. I think that we need to come up with those punishments that they have for people in other countries where crime is at a much lower rate. On house last night one of the Doctors said that death is easy it's the living that hard. Truly it is when you think about it. I mean yes I believe in God and I know that there is a Hell, but I want my vengeance now. I bet people would think twice if they know that when they were convicted of murder, rape, molestation, the truly violent crimes against people that either the surviving victim or the closet family member would get to choose there punishment. To me it would give me a sense of justice let a jury of there peers decide if they are guilty but I want to give them the sentence.

Question of the Day: What do you feel are suitable punishments for murder, child molestation, rape, & attempted murder ? If it was decided that a person would get the death penalty I believe they should die in the same manner as the person they killed. One more question umm do you think I'm crazy? .......... I will wait while you think if your answer is what I think it is then

SO

Smoochies,

Carmel Beauty

taking a mini vacation

My mind is just not in the right place right now I have so much anger in me that at times I feel I may explode. At other times I feel afraid I need to work on these things before I can return to posting only a week or two break but if you want to know why I feel this way go to the link below.

My grandfather


Praying for Strength,

Carmel Beauty

Life or something like it!

Hey Everybody,

Sorry I have have been MIA I hate it when my fellow bloggers do that, but it could not be helped. My little Angel turned 1 on 10/09 so I have been busy being a first time parent spending more money then is necessary on a party she will NEVER remember. Also I don't know if I have mentioned it before, but when I went into labor with my daughter my sister in law was also pregnant and when she came to visit me. Guess what she went into labor and had her baby HOURS before I had my angel. So guess what I was one PISSED person that day. Anywho me and the sister in law do not get along never have and probably never will. Well needless to say everyone wanted to throw there parties on the same day and my gut told me to say NO well I didn't listen and the party did not make my angel happy. She is always just about ready to cunk out after day care because she doesn't sleep well with others in the room she is just to nosy. Anywho she cried almost the whole time. Now for a little more background information the Mama STBH mama treats her grandchildren differently. For instance she has four grand kids one is me and STBH the other four are the sister in law's. Me and STBH called her the other day and she told us she wanted to spend time with her grand kids so she went to pick up the other three. Mind you she has NEVER come to get my baby and spend time with her. So you know that the party was not my favorite. She bought my precious prissy little girl who did not even want to get cake and icing on her hands a little boy motorcycle. I mean it is red and blue and has peddles this for a little girl who just took her first steps 2 months ago. But the other little girl she bought a little pink and green bike without peddles that can be pushed from behind. That is just one of the ways that tried to play my baby that day so needless to say I was ready to open a can of whup your motherfucking ass before I left.

In other news have you heard about the boy shooting up the school. This is just too much I am such a worrier and I don't know how I will be able to send my daughter to school when the time comes I have a problem sending her to day care now.

Question of the day: We have a new lady in our department who is annoying and just a little off. This chick is so bad they through a party for her when she left her other department. Am I destined to end up working with the dumbest, most annoying, ungrateful, unable to do anything for themselves, lazy, and crazy people in America? If so do you think I could plead bad luck in my defense when I crack the fuck up and go postal on everyone?


Smoochies,

Carmel Beauty