Thursday, March 4, 2010


Yes!! I know everybody needs money well maybe a rich or comfortable person could read this message and tell me other then working the 40 + hours a week I work how can I make some money please let me know. I mean do I really have to be broke forever and a day or can I finally climb my black ass out of a recession that has been going on for the last 28 years of my life ( yes i am just 28 so WHAT). I need some LEGAL I repeat LEGAL guaranteed ways to gather some quick cash. I have an opportunity to add a part time (20 to 30 hours a week) job to my schedule this will ultimately help me increase the funds coming into my home, but I need start up money so that I can buy a few items to do the job. i.e. computer, software, etc. I will be a bookkeeper for a detail shop. This will give me extra experience for my job and it would be great for me. I also want to finish school online and of course need a computer for that. I am trying to help myself, but it is not working the way I need it too!! Somebody please help.

P.S. Just venting I wish somebody could or would help me i really need it. :-)


Carmel Beauty

Friday, April 24, 2009


Well as I am sure you all remember this and this. Go ahead if you don't remember and read the stories I'll wait. Well every dog has it's day and this fool has put his self in the position to get exactly what he deserves. When you have a chance go here and read this story it's good yall.




Monday, January 26, 2009

I am apart of the living, sort of.

Hey All,

Thank you all for the prayers, kind words, and advice. It was appreciated and most needed. I have spoken with my hubby and we have come to the agreement that he will not read my journal. I have personally will just not write in my diary anymore. I am glad that he is not aware of this site which is why I write without names.

In other news my job is a TRIP, but I am thankful that I have one. I went to the beach this weekend. We really needed to get away and it was GRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAATTT!! We really had a good time and I had a chance to just veg out and look at the water. It wasn't even all that cold we slept with the door open all night. It was a 3 hour drive that took us from 8pm till 3am. If you can't tell we got lost.

Theory of the day: Beggers: People or animals (cats, dogs, etc.) who request very strongly on a continual basis for any and everything.

My theory is that these people are made if you don't want them in your life then don't make them. You create the monster then can't deal with the consequences. You can't let people "use" you then expect them to try to make it on their own that is not going to happen. So in that case it is best not to start something you can't continue. Now I am not saying you don't help people every once in a while, but these are people who are trying to do things for themselves and just need help.

Okay so if you haven't figured it out I did that with someone close to me and now I just want them to leave me alone when it concerns money all together. I am sure somebody understands my pain.



Monday, December 29, 2008


Where is a girl to start? I guess I will start with the horrible first and just go ahead and get it out of the way. On Friday December 12, 2008 I miscarried. This has not been an easy holiday for me. I wasn't sure if we would be able to handle another baby right now, but I was forming plans seeing problems and coming up with solutions and I was starting to feel better about it. I was really feeling like me and my hubby could do it. Apparently I was very wrong. I am really just going through the motions lately, and can cry at the drop of a hat, or just blank out. I took some time off from work. My boss and his wife just recently went through a miscarriage to so he was very understanding. I was only 9weeks. Everybody keeps saying what they think I need to hear and it honestly is pissing me off. I am angry that only my husband understands a little of what I feel and nobody else understands at all. I mean to me it's like I lost my child a death in the family I know it should not have been a funeral or anything , but I feel like I need some kind of closeure. Anywho, the good a while back I told everybody that my husband and I were going through a very hard situation that was causing a lot of problems in our family well it has finally been resolved. So that is one less headache for us both and for that I am truly thankful.

Okay now on to the BAD. I may just be trippin' it is possible, because I still have a lot of hormones running through my body. I just have this feeling that something is just not right we my hubby and I. I guess it could have something to do with the miscarriage, but we just aren't clicking and I don't know what to do to get "us" back.

Question of the day: Would you read a significant other's or spouses diary, and then get mad about some explicit things that your read?



Saturday, November 29, 2008

What's going on?

Okay Everyone,

Yeah I know I have been MIA, but a lot has been going on and it looks as though it may get even more crazy in the next couple of months. For instance, I got the job which is exactly what I have been wanting and def needing.

In other news I am pregnant. I have only told my husband who couldn't keep his big mouth shut and decided to tell his mother and sister.

Well with me being a new mother soon and all the stress at work I have been a BITCH to my husband. He was home for the holidays and just went back on the road a little while ago. She I am the one at home I of course am in charge of paying the bills will with our car insurance I was $50 off from the amount we had to pay and what I set aside to pay. Which means that I have $30 to last until my next payday which is not until the 23rd of this month. We both only get paid once a month so this is going to be a very hard month.

Anywho, I have been trying to control my anger and have not been doing very well. I am worried with the economy things in our household have been very tight. My daughter has also not been very happy lately. She recently turned turned 2years so as you can imagine she is going through the terrible two's.

Question of the day: " How do you apologize when you don't want to?"


Carmel Beauty

Thursday, July 31, 2008


I have spoken with hubby on several occasions. I know the reason for his insecurity, because that is exactly what it is. He had a previous relationship long term at the beginning of the relationship he worked in the city regular 8-5 job then after a couple of years he decided that he wanted to drive trucks. They discussed it he told them "her" that he would be driving out of town and asked if she could not handle him being away so much to end the relationship then and not wait until later. She advised that it would be fine and then 7 months of him being on the road later she couldn't take it anymore and ended the relationship via a dear john letter. So yeah he has trust issues, and I will admit that I do to and we have talked about it extensively and have a date to talk about it some more today. He claims he trusts me then we have a argument like Saturday and I know that he doesn't. Right now on his longer periods home is trying to find a job where he can stay home. Until then I know we have to work something out, because I just can't take this as is anymore.


You need to email me and tell me more about that 40 days of prayer, because I need it both me and my husband.


If you are looking for inspirational reading that uplifts your spirit andputs a sparkle in your day please visit SUPRINA's blog. She is having a 2 for 1 special and trust me the books are worth more than she is asking you to pay for them. Despite all of the drama currently in my marriage she has given me a lot of insight into how to make my marriage better.


Carmel Beauty

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Gimme a Break!

As I was posting last night in a frenzy because I was pissed at the hubby and wanted to tell yall all about it and get some advice. I was just finishing the last sentence my daughter my lovely angel comes up to me and closes my screen. How she figured out how to do this at 22 months is beyond me so I ddin't feel like retyping all for the info.

Anywhoo the chick got the job and I knew would happen it hurt for a day and I will probably never be happy with how the situation turned out, but I am over it.

Okay on to me and my husband. Bottom line is he doesn't trust me and it has gotten worse since we have been married. It is to the point now where I feel like I have to guard my words for fear he will interpret the wrong thing form something i have said. I know I can't make him trust me and truly i don't even what to so how do I end the drama in our lives other then divorce. I refuse to get a divorce, but him not trusting me is a BIG deal..

I will give you an example of his level of mistrust: Just a little background info first my husband works driving trust and is only home 3 weekends 3 a month. So this was his work weekend. i told him I was going to get my hair done and it would take approx. 6 to 61/2 hours. My husband loves me to wear my hair in a wrap style, but sometimes I like something different so I decided I wanted to get some micro's (anybody who has ever had them before knows they can take anywhere from 6 to 13 hours depending on how fast the person braids and how small they are and how big your head is) Now I told my hubby three days before I was set to get my hair done that I was getting my hair done by someone i didn't personally know but I had seen her work and knew you would be able to do what I want at a reasonable price. Hubby came up with all types of excuses for why he didn't think I should have my hair done by her. (i.e. I don't know her, back part of town, she could have traffic in and out of her house, boyfriend could be running drugs, etc. ) I told him I had my mother check it out, because I knew the girl through on of her friends and I was going anyway. He accepted this with much attitude. Okay Saturday gets here and he calls 3 times in the space of 4 hours. After about six hours into my hairdo T asks me what time it is I pull out my phone and it has turned off. So I turn it back on and immediately it is ringing. He is cussing me out talking about it doesn't take this long to get hair done, and I am having sex with some nigga, I didn't have to lie, and so and and so forth. All the while the phone is hanging up because the battery is dead. Finally I cut the phone off on my own and when she finishes my hair and I leave I turn it back on. He calls this time apologizes saying he thought about it and I must be getting Micro's and why didn't I tell him like the whole incident was my fault.

Since then things between us have been strained to say the least. I am just at the point where I just don't know what to do. We have only been together 3 months, but I think we ( as in him) need to have counseling. Our marriage is not going to handle the strain of another incident like this.

Question of the day: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Carmel Beauty

Monday, July 21, 2008


Have you ever noticed that when you are waiting on something that you really want time seems to stand still at a pace that even a turtle could surpass? On the other hand when you are having the most fun in your life it all seems to go by so quickly most of it seems to be a blur of never-ending activity. Well right now waiting to hear about this job is killing me. I want a decision ASAP so that I can move on with my life. Even though I am 85% positive I am not going to get the job, it is hard to shake that 15% because I really want it. Since the possiablility still lingers that I can get the position it is making it hard for me to forget about it and concentrate on more important things.

In other news I am very angry someone has stolen my daughter's earrings out of her ears. The reason I know this is because they are the safety earrings that she can't take out even if she wanted to and they are missing. I can't believe someone would steal from a child of 22 months what in the world is this world coming to. It pisses me off and If I happen to find the person he had the audacity to steal from my baby I will beat the shit out of them and deal with the consequences later. It's not like they were expensive, but it is the principal of the issue.

Well this is the end of my post because I really didn't have time to write this but I needed to share my frustration.


Carmel Beauty

Monday, July 14, 2008

Tell me what you think

Hey fellow bloggers,

I have been speaking about a job that I have applied for here in my current section. Anywho I had an interview last week Tuesday. I went into the interview knowing that most likely I would not get the position. I am not quite qualified yet, but I still had high hopes because I am the only inside person applying for the position and I am very talented (I am humble but since you really don't know me I have to tell it like it is so you can understand where I am coming from) smart and ambitious. So I went to the interview and it went good for the most part then came the end of the interview. I was interviewed by my current supervisor. So he said this " I don't want you to be discouraged if you don't get the job. I understand that you want something with more of a challenge and in the next coming weeks we have several positions that are coming open that may be more suited to your level of experience. I also wanted to let you know that I have recognized all of the hard work you have put in. I love the level of imitative that you have shown and hope to be able to reward you with a monetary increase in the near future. You are one of the top two or three people that I feel deserve an increase and I plan to do what I can to get you one. " Now of course this was not word for word but it is basically what he said. So I took it to mean that I did not get the job.

In other news my angel is allergic to mosquitoes. It is itching her so bad she has already been to the doctor twice. What is a mother to do when her baby is hurting? My husband and grandmother are making progress. She is talking about him again and speaking to him. Also yesterday at church (we haven't picked a church home yet, but we go to both of our parents churches for the time being) the past prayed for us and took time out to talk about some problems we have been going through (not with our marriage) and it really helped us both.

Question of the day: From what I told you what do you think about my chances of getting the job?


Carmel Beauty

Sunday, June 1, 2008


I have had a very interesting weekend. The most important thing that happened is that my brother graduated from high school, it was very exciting, and also a little sad. As most of you know if you have been reading my blog my grandfather was killed last year, and he and my brother were very close. It was very hard on him because he was like a father to him me too for that matter. As you can imagine not having him there for this time was very heartbreaking. My brother goes to a small school only 13 graduates so when all the kids went up to get there diploma they got approx 2minutes of a pre-recorded speech they could give, and my brother spoke about our grandfather. There was not a dry eye in the house. Everybody was crying. Like I said it was sad, but good. I am so proud of him he just recently got he first job, because he had so many after school activies he has never had a job before so this is a big step for him. I just feel like he has so much promise right now and can't wait to see how his future turns out.

In other news I have been working my but off at work. I have been there two Saturdays in a row. There are several reasons for this.

  1. I have applied for a job, for which I really want. It would be a 30% percent increase in pay. So not only do I want it we need it with the price of gas.
  2. I want to challenge myself more at work. I have been doing everything possible to obtain more skills to make myself more marketable. When I get bored I tend to leave my job, and not only am I bored, but I am not liking the office politics.
  3. I am a type A personality, and the people at my job are lazy so the work that is falling by the way side I have been doing and I love the extra praise it is giving me.

While most of these are good reasons it has made me sort of a grouch, because I am tired. I also know that even though I am doing all this extra work I may not end up with this job and that will really piss me off and hurt my feelings. I know I am really sensitive you don't have to tell me :-) As I am sure you can imagine my new attitude is not to my husband's liking so I will have to work on that can't have a tiff just yet I am enjoying all of this honeymoon sex. :-)

Last but not least my grandmother and I are making progress. She is still not speaking to my husband, but we are getting along so that gives me hope that eventually everything will be as close to okay as it can be.

I guess I will stop boring you with my life.

Question of the day: How can you tell that all your hard work is for nothing?