Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Gimme a Break!

As I was posting last night in a frenzy because I was pissed at the hubby and wanted to tell yall all about it and get some advice. I was just finishing the last sentence my daughter my lovely angel comes up to me and closes my screen. How she figured out how to do this at 22 months is beyond me so I ddin't feel like retyping all for the info.

Anywhoo the chick got the job and I knew would happen it hurt for a day and I will probably never be happy with how the situation turned out, but I am over it.

Okay on to me and my husband. Bottom line is he doesn't trust me and it has gotten worse since we have been married. It is to the point now where I feel like I have to guard my words for fear he will interpret the wrong thing form something i have said. I know I can't make him trust me and truly i don't even what to so how do I end the drama in our lives other then divorce. I refuse to get a divorce, but him not trusting me is a BIG deal..

I will give you an example of his level of mistrust: Just a little background info first my husband works driving trust and is only home 3 weekends 3 a month. So this was his work weekend. i told him I was going to get my hair done and it would take approx. 6 to 61/2 hours. My husband loves me to wear my hair in a wrap style, but sometimes I like something different so I decided I wanted to get some micro's (anybody who has ever had them before knows they can take anywhere from 6 to 13 hours depending on how fast the person braids and how small they are and how big your head is) Now I told my hubby three days before I was set to get my hair done that I was getting my hair done by someone i didn't personally know but I had seen her work and knew you would be able to do what I want at a reasonable price. Hubby came up with all types of excuses for why he didn't think I should have my hair done by her. (i.e. I don't know her, back part of town, she could have traffic in and out of her house, boyfriend could be running drugs, etc. ) I told him I had my mother check it out, because I knew the girl through on of her friends and I was going anyway. He accepted this with much attitude. Okay Saturday gets here and he calls 3 times in the space of 4 hours. After about six hours into my hairdo T asks me what time it is I pull out my phone and it has turned off. So I turn it back on and immediately it is ringing. He is cussing me out talking about it doesn't take this long to get hair done, and I am having sex with some nigga, I didn't have to lie, and so and and so forth. All the while the phone is hanging up because the battery is dead. Finally I cut the phone off on my own and when she finishes my hair and I leave I turn it back on. He calls this time apologizes saying he thought about it and I must be getting Micro's and why didn't I tell him like the whole incident was my fault.

Since then things between us have been strained to say the least. I am just at the point where I just don't know what to do. We have only been together 3 months, but I think we ( as in him) need to have counseling. Our marriage is not going to handle the strain of another incident like this.

Question of the day: HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Carmel Beauty


april said...

My ex husband didn't trust me one bit throughout our entire marriage. I can completely relate to your story because he used to do the same shit. With how many times I got accused of sleeping with someone, I would've slept with the entire NFL.

Anyway, in my opinion, trust is in the top 2 things of what's most important to make a relationship work. Not being trusted can just lead to so many bad things that can ruin any relationship. I'm not saying to get out of the relationship but I'm saying that if he doesn't learn to trust you, eventually it *could* be the demise of your relationship.

I would see if you can talk to him and convince him to go to counseling with you. Find out the real reason why he doesn't trust you and see if it can be fixed.

Good luck to you. I know it's hard, especially when you're not doing anything wrong.

Suprina said...

Is something in the air? Because everybody and their mama seem to be having relationship issues right now, including me. Sheesh!

I'm on a 40-day prayer vigil right now because of all the mess me and my friends are going through with our mens.

As for the trust issues in your relationship, Carmel B, the best advice I can give you is to just ask the man what is it going to take for him to trust you. Then see if those are things you are willing to do to build trust. I mean, I wouldn't agree to wearing long potato sacks just to keep other men from lusting after you. After all, some men will lust after a woman's ankle if they see one.

It might be helpful to also find out what caused hubby to distrust you from the beginning. Is it something you did? Something one of his exs did and he's afraid it will be repeated? General low self-esteem issues within him?

Like I said before that's the best advice I can give since I'm going through my own drama. lol. Oh, yeah, don't forget to pray. I'll be praying for you, too.


Randi said...

Found you through April...
Trust and communication are the TOP TWO necessities for a relationship to succeed.

I'm going to be the devil's advocate but maybe he cheated and he's projecting? Or he's been cheated on before and he's terrified of losing you?

Sounds like he needs to work on his temper.