Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Why we can't hold down a marriage?

Great Post, Caramel!!! The preacher guy, he was wrong for that! But these days you have people waking up one morning and claiming, "I think I want to be a preacher". No calling, no divinity school, just plain thinks it is a great career, with a lot of money from struggling folks. Don't get me wrong, I love church and go almost every Sunday, but I think wrong is wrong! You are there to lead people to help them understand what they are called for and how to see the blessing upon there life. Who are you to tell a member of your congregation what they are doing is wrong! People need to learn how to think before they speak, words can hurt or damage a person! That is my 2 cents on that!

Anywayz, since we polling you guys today and hey please comment, I am looking for a response, don't let me have to start tracking readers to view this blog!!! This is been a serious issue with me and I just want to hear someone out there agree with me! What is going on with our generation that they can not keep marriages together! Take a minute and think, count how many successful, happy, devoted, in love marriages out there that you know of personally? I have tried this time and time again, even asked people and I came up with 5 and hey that is what I can see from looking on the outside. So why are these marriages not working? Why are people, especially African American, jumping into these relationships getting married and within 1 year if that long, are claiming a divorce or separation! They can not live together no more, it is not working, he/she cheated on me, in-laws crazy as hell. I mean think about it, now a days our men generally African Americans and Hispanic, feel the need to reproduce, becoming mainly just a sperm donor, dropping kids off at each door they stop at. So with 2-3 baby mamma's, different homes, different personalities and then you get a wife to deal with this shit, or vice versa cause you know we have women out here flipping the script. Again, what is wrong with our generation why can we not hold down a marriage?

My philosophy is if you don't think you ready, why make someone else miserable. Ladies how about we stop lowering our standards for the first thing that talking BS or holding out to put up with shit cause you think that is the best you can do! It ain't worth it! I always thought oh I want to get married and I had this time frame to fulfill, but I ain't gonna rush into nothing if I don't feel right about it. Follow your intuition! This aint right, if you know or feel something then don't do it, cause I dont mind finding a fuck buddy for the rest of my life!

Hit me back!


Weekends Off said...

I think people are too quick to get married. They confuse lust with love and get blinded by hormones to the faults of the other person. They rush. This whole society is about getting things done faster. Faster cars. Faster technology. Faster pace. No one can wait for things. So they rush into marriage like they rush into everything else. They get distracted planning the big party and when the honeymoon is over and the reality of day to day life sets in all those flaws and irritations from the other person start to rear their ugly heads and folks start to realize they moved to quickly.

THEN instead of trying to honor their commitment to each other and work through the issues they rush to divorce court because it's faster and easier than doing the hard work to make changes and compromise.

I met K in 1998. We got to be friends that summer, eventually growing to be best friends by 1999. In 2000 he asked me to date him and I said not yet. We were such good friends I didn't want to ruin it and I wasn't over my ex. In 2001 I agreed to date him and we were married in 2003.

We took the time to get to know each other first. Before we married we knew what made each other tick- all the quirks- all the skeletons-everything. We went into our marriage with open eyes and I feel very fortunate we are still friends above everything else in our marriage.

Anonymous said...

I don't think that it has to do with our generation rushing into marraige, but rather that we have so many more choices. If you look at people who have been married for 30-40 years, they were usally married in less than a years time, and marreid at a very early age. They didn't even have time to define themselves as a person, before they had other people's expectation put on them.

It use to be that if you were married, no matter what happened, you stayed that way. If a man beat you, if he cheated on you, if you weren't happy, it didn't matter. You had no choice but to stay married or be ostricized by your friends and family.

Things are so different now especially for women. We don't have to put up with a man cheating or hitting us. We can support ourselves, we can raise our children on our own. It's okay to say, "I"m not happy and I want out."

Also, I don't think that we ever really truly know someone. I have been with my husband for five years and married to him for one. Everyday I discover something new about him. Sometimes, it's something that I don't consider that bad and other times I wonder why I married him. I thought that after four years I knew him as much as I was ever going to know him. I still haven't given up on him though, his weird quirks and all.

But you know what, I like knowing that I have the choice that if it gets to the point where I am no longer happy, I can leave. I like having options.

catrina said...

The problem: Instant gratification! "I want it and I want it now"...then when it doesn't work, "I want something else and I want it now."
Before C and I were married, we made a deal---no matter how tough, how trying, how difficult it got, we were gonna tough it out. We both had bad first marriages, and we just decided that ours would be forever. That was 20 years ago, and each day I count my blessings. Yeah, there were times I could've walked away, but I keep my word.

Ladynay said...

I sorta agree with the above comment. Times are different and it's not such a big deal to get divorce any more. Not like it used to be.

Anonymous said...

I went to the mall once and picked out what I thought was a great dress. It was an adorable seventies throwback that I fell in love with the moment I tried it on. I twirled in front of the mirror and decided I had to have it. So I purchased it and brought it home but the minute I tried it on in front of my mirror, in normal lighting, I realized I had made a ghastly mistake. My hips looked gigantic and for whatever reason, the colors made my legs look like they glowed in the dark. So I went back to the store and returned that god awful dress. I feel like my generation has reduced marriage into something similar to the buying and returning of a dress. When we are caught up in a relationship and feel like we can't love them anymore then we decide that marriage is the next step. But the minute things get a little awry, we run strait towards divore court. I understand that sometimes people change and it just doesn't work out, but couldn't we try a little harder? Granted, it doesn't help that our soceity is consumed with celebrity life and they aren't exactly the models of successful marriages. In my opinion, I think that people should find out who they are first and what they are capable of on their own before they should walk down that aisle.

kmorales4 said...

This is a complicated issue any way you look at it. While all marriages may be similar they are never exactly alike.

I'm divorced however I am pro family, I stronly believe that children deserve to have their mommy and daddy under the same roof and in love with each other forever. Marriage should be forever and problems should be worked out to the max. But what happens when your marriage makes you miserable and you are constantly arguing or worse, being cheated on or beaten? Isn't that unfair to your kids and yourself? Isn't that telling them that it's OK for mommy or daddy to cheat or beat on their partner as long as the family stays under the same household for "THE SAKE OF THE KIDS"? Thats crap. I would be very hurt if my daughters stayed unhappily married to a jackass just to keep the marriage together. If I had stayed married to their father, that would give them a bad example on what is the institution of FAMILY.

Now for those who take their marriage vows lightly, they should be ashamed of themselves. Values have been torn down by such people. This is a trend that has nothing to do with generations or race just the loss of morale.

Nalini said...

I definitely think this is wayyy too complicated an issue to sum up in a few words, are my two cents worth...

Each and every marriage is different, and what may work for one couple wouldn't work for another. I do feel that with the lessened stigma of divorce nowadays, there is less emphasis on staying in marriage where you're not happy. However, deciding on what is the border line depends on the person. If they are selfish and don't realise that relationships need a lot of work (as all good things do) then they might be tempted to throw the towel in preemptively...I do think that society is becoming more and more hedonistic and selfish, with less emphasis on good morals and family values.

On the other hand, I am thankful that women do have the option to walk away if stuck in an unhappy marriage. Life is short after all. An unhappy marriage not only affect the spouses but also breeds a vicious cycle for the kids. I think that education and experience is a major different in marriages today as compared to the past. Before, women primarily had to rely on their husbands for financial support, which is why they stayed in unhappy marriages. Today, a mother knows she can split from her husband and still not have her children starve.

At the end of the day, people change, and sometimes two perfectly lovely people can't abide in the same residence. I also agree that you can never truly know someone well. If you can surprise yourself, despite being the person who knows you best, how can you ever completely know someone else?